Tuesday, February 27, 2018

Stardust App

Hey Everybody!

I have not forgotten about you or this blog but I did want you to know that I have been posting my Quick Thoughts reviews to the new Stardust App. https://stardust.app.link/Invite

You can find me on the app under the user name Bwater42. I highly recommend the app as I am personally having a ton of fun posting quick reviews.

As a quick update, I am planning a few articles for the year so expect those at some point as I never have a specified schedule for these. My next article will be Star Trek related so look forward to that.

Best Wishes,

-The Guide

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Top 10 Undead Characters

Welcome back faithful readers and Happy Halloween. I know I haven’t been the most active writer this year and many would assume me dead but I’d crawl out of any grave just to make sure my Halloween special was finished on time. Speaking of undead…blah blah blah tie in to topic of list blah blah blah here are my honorable mentions:

-Kai (Lexx)
-Simon William Garth (Zombie)
-Ryuma (One Piece)

Without further delay, here are my Top 10 Undead Characters:

10 -Billy Butcherson (Hocus Pocus)

Billy was a dumb sap who decided to date a witch and then cheat on said witch with her sister. Not sure how someone makes such a critically poor error of judgment like that but Billy paid the price when the witch, Winifred, killed him and sowed his mouth shut. Now when Winifred needs a body to do some dirty work she resurrects Billy to do her biding. I’d have pity but he seems to have made all the wrong choices.

9 –Olivia Moore (iZOMBIE)

Life sure sucks when you’re dead. Liv was converted into a zombie at a party and now has to eat brains every so often to avoid going brainless herself. Luckily working at a morgue makes access to brains super easy. Even better, eaten brains gives her some of the memories of the dead granted her the ability to see hints as to the victim's murder. Gee it’s almost like this is the perfect set up for a quirky detective show or something.

8 -Lee Pai Long (Shaman King)

Being one of the world’s greatest martial artists will get you noticed by people, especially the wrong kind of people. The Toa Family of shamanic assassins had great interest in poor Lee and decided to murder him. The family then proceeded to resurrect him as an undead cyborg to act as a body guard for their youngest daughter Jun. Eventually though; Lee would break free of the mind control but decide to stay on as Jun’s undead guard so that he could continue training in martial arts well beyond his death.

7 -Cervantes de León (Soul Calibur)

Cervantes was once a terrible pirate of the high seas who was made even more powerful with the cursed blade Soul Edge. However being an all powerful tyrant makes you a massive target for noble knights and Cervantes’ reign of terror was ended. At least it would have been had a fragment of the Soul Edge not broken off inside Cervantes and resurrected him allowing him to roam the seas as an undead pirate.

6 -Solomon Grundy (Batman)

Solomon Grundy, Born on a Monday, Christened on Tuesday, Married on Wednesday, Took ill on Thursday, Grew worse on Friday, Died on Saturday, Buried on Sunday, That was the end of Solomon Grundy. Or at least it would have been were he not a recurring zombie juggernaut villain for Batman. These things happen you know.

5 -Sid Barrett (Soul Eater)

In life Sid was a well liked and friendly instructor…at the Death Scythe Meister Academy that helps train grim reapers and their weapons…..so friendly. Though after being IMPALED IN THE HEAD BY A STATUE OF LIBERTY REPLICA Sid ends up dying. That would not be the end of Sid however as fellow teacher Dr. Stein retrieved the body and was kind enough to bring him back to life as a zombie where he then proceeded to help train new reapers to this day.

4 -Eric Draven (The Crow)

When the dead cannot rest and unfinished vengeance is not yet sated, the crow shall come to raise the dead and grant them the ability to seek out the personal justice they were unable to achieve before death. Eric is one such individual reborn by the power of the crow allowing him to go on a vast murder spree killing everyone involved with the death of his fiancé as well as himself.  

3 -Reaper (Overwatch)

Gabriel Reyes was once known as one of the world’s greatest heroes but due to a difference of opinion as well as pursuit, Reyes ended up betraying most of his allies in a coup. However karma had other plans for Reyes as the betrayal led to his death and rebirth as an undead mercenary for the terrorist organization Talon. Fueled with a need for revenge Reyes now plots the ultimate destruction of all of his former friends.

2 – Jason Voorhees (Friday the 13th series)

What once started as a series about a grotesque serial killer with a vendetta against camp counselors eventually become the story of an undead juggernaut grotesque serial killer who has a vendetta against most teenagers/people in general. In his many journeys ranging from Manhattan to Hell to Space one thing has remained fairly clear: Jason doesn’t die and if you think he is dead you are wrong, dead wrong.   

1 -Frankenstein’s Monster

“Look! It's moving. It's alive. It's alive... It's alive, it's moving, it's alive, it's alive,it's alive, it's alive, IT'S ALIVE!”

The infamous tale of Dr. Victor Frankenstein and his pursuit to beat death with his own creation is a story you would be hard pressed to find someone who hasn’t heard it. Dr. Frankenstein attempted to become god by creating life from the assembled parts of various corpses he sewed together. Only once the creature turns on him does he realize his error. One of the most classic monsters ever put to literature, Frankenstein’s Monster is a triumph and icon of the horror genre.

Thanks for reading and Happy Halloween.

Saturday, July 22, 2017

Quick Thoughts on Dunkirk

I honestly don’t have anything bad to say about this movie. The film avoided large amounts of dialogue so that it could convey the majority of its story and tension through the visuals alone and the visuals are just simply wonderful. There is brilliant subtlety to every character's movements and expressions. Tension is also hiked up through the magnificent soundtrack which almost always sounds like a ticking clock which always keeps the tension on a tight edge. I absolutely loved every moment of this film and I'm really happy I got to see it.

I truly can’t recommend this film enough. Go see this movie…..Now. 10/10

Quick Thoughts on War for the Planet of the Apes

Have you ever wondered how to write the third film in a trilogy? Many writers typically like to view a trilogy as a 3 act structure. You have the introduction, the escalation, and the resolution. While this film is definitely a resolution to this trilogy I do feel it suffers what most trilogies suffer from and that is that it peaked on the second act. It’s easier to build up to a massive world ending war than it is to actually have it as a film. Don’t get me wrong, this film is amazing and you should go see it, but I do feel like it is missing a necessary oomph that the 2nd film provided.

Overall I really liked this film and it was a fantastic conclusion to this reboot series. 8/10

Quick Thoughts on Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

I really wanted to like this film and there is a lot that I did enjoy however the plot was not one of them. I’d say it almost feels like the movie gets bored with its own main plot and regularly finds itself getting distracted with something else. More than once I had to re-ask myself how did we get to this point in the film. The main problem is that the main plot is an investigation mystery and as an audience member I figured out what was going on really early so the film not coming back to that plot until near the end just feels like they were avoiding the resolution to add more padding.

There are some great sci-fi concepts and very visually beautiful scenes in this film unfortunately those are bogged down by an overly long film that is bloated with too many plot threads. 6/10

Saturday, July 8, 2017

The Age of Spider-Man: a Spider-Man Homecoming review

I spent a great deal of time before Spider-Man Homecoming came out declaring loudly why I was going to hate this film. Some will say that I was over the top and overly dramatic with my opinion and blew things way out of proportion and you would not be wrong. I think initial anger at a trailer will never lead you to your true opinion and I often tell people that I rewatch films multiple times solely because I know my opinions will change on a film the more times I view it.

Having watched the film now I can honestly say I’m not going to tell you it’s a bad film simply because that is untrue. You can go into a film and force yourself to hate it but that isn’t going to give you an unbiased view of it. Though I had many pre-viewing ramblings about the film and its issues I can tell you that the reasons I knew I was going to be unsatisfied with the final product are true even after watching it.

I predicted that my problems with the film were going to be that they stuck Spider-Man in High school again and that they were also making him a pseudo-sidekick to Iron Man. Very much so, these two things stick out as a problem, yet despite these plot points I will still tell you that this is a wonderful film and you should go see it. In fact in my opinion there was really only 1 terrible scene in the whole feature.

They end up recreating a scene from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off then show the actual scene they are copying on someone’s TV before continuing to copy the scene. I feel like you just don’t need to show your reference work in-movie and it struck me as a bad idea. (I’m getting off topic, hold on)

I think what I’m experiencing for the first time is that this is no longer my era. I had my Spider-Man growing up. He was and still is my favorite hero. He was a college student who was working multiple jobs just trying to make ends meet and not succeeding very often. As with many long lived superhero figures they go through different times and ages. The Spider-Man I read as a kid, his time has passed. Maybe Spider-Man needs to be a High schooler again; maybe he does need to be Iron Man’s apprentice. I don’t know, I’ll never tell you I understand kids these days.

Somewhere out there is a kid who is watching this film and is excited to see his version of Spider-Man up on the big screen. I can’t fault a film for not giving me my version amongst the hundreds of versions that are already out there. There are a lot of things I actually really like about this film and really enjoyed getting to see. 

I’ve had a lot of people tell me lately that I’m never satisfied or happy with films or television and I tell them that can’t be true because I love film so much. Yet I haven’t put out a review in a really long time and it was mostly because I found myself really unsatisfied with movies lately. I wasn’t finding my muse to talk about them. I think I need to really change my perspective on how I view films and go about reviewing them. (Hence the reason for a long-winded speech instead of the usual fanfare)

I probably would have previously given a poor review based on it missing what I want out of a Spider-Man film but I don’t think that is fair. Out of sheer irony I realized I was becoming J. Jonah Jameson, calling this Spider-Man a menace. This is a very good film and you should go watch it. I think it’s great that Marvel and Sony were able to make a deal to get this film green lit. I don’t think we would have gotten another solid Spider-Man out of Sony without it and I'm excited to see what becomes of the property in the future. 

I’m not sure when my next review will be but I hope that it will be a shorter timelaspe than this last one.

Thanks for reading.

Sunday, October 30, 2016

Top 10 Dark Lords of Magic

HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE! I bet you thought I forgot all about you and had moved onto other things…..well I try to write when I can……but it would pain me to no end if I forgot to do my Halloween Holiday special. So here we are….what to do…..if only I could make a list appear like magic…..and to heck with all that build up, here are my Top 10 Dark Lords of Magic! (not really doing a great job with the rules on this one but let’s role with it) Before I start here are a few honorable mentions:
-Loki (Thor)
-Rita Repulsa and Lord Zedd (Power Rangers)
-Jareth the Goblin King (Labyrinth)
Now onto the main event:

10-Wicked Witch of the West (Wizard of Oz)

Nothing quite beats a classic villain (and nothing quite feels as satisfying as snubbing every single Loki fan than by stating that the Wicked Witch is better). To be fair here, the Wicked Witch has everything that Loki can’t really accomplish. She has a kingdom, a legion of loyal warriors (or at least scared enough not to question) and she can even write letters in the sky with her broomstick. It really is hard to say that she doesn’t have everything….I mean other than ruby slippers or a questionable weakness to water.

9-Dormammu (Doctor Strange)

Now you face The Dread Dormammu! Not saying that Doctor Strange doesn’t have a wide range of recognizable villains, but at least some people are mildly aware of Dormammu. Ruling upon a plane of existence forged entirely out of dark magic with an appearance that would drive some insane, Dormammu wages war on our dimension but is regularly bested by the Sorcerer Supremes. Despite this, Dormammu is an ageless being and if he cannot beat Earth’s Sorcerers through combat he can always beat them through…the waiting game. Fear in terror as The Dread Dormammu patiently waits for old age to take you down. BWAHAHA!....or something.

8-Maleficent (Sleeping Beauty)

I know what you’re thinking ‘but the new film showed she was a good character all along and that she had been horribly wronged’ and to that I say I’m not talking about the new film I’m talking about the original Disney character the one who would curse you with all the powers of Hell! I loved Maleficent in this movie. She is literally evil for the sake of being evil. The only reason any of the events happen is because she got snubbed a birthday party invite. Whimsically evil.

7-The Lich (Adventure Time)

“THE LICH KING IS NOT FUNNY’ is probably the best lines ever written about this character. In a series that can go from absolute nonsense to OH MY GOD EVERYONE IS DEAD in two seconds flat really has The Lich to thank for that. Every single time this character appears someone either dies or something in the series is changed dramatically. Little is known about the character other than he was somehow spawned from the bomb in the Mushroom War. The Lich is solely driven towards the end of everything. In a show that is about nothing, The Lich is one of the few plot movers but always in the most terrifying of ways.

6 -The White Witch (Chronicles of Narnia)

Jadis, better known as the White Witch, is very similar to the Wicked Witch. She has a kingdom, legions of followers who are more afraid than loyal, but the true difference between the characters comes entirely through power. The White Witch was able to cast the land of Narnia into a 100 year winter, ruling over the land with a terrifying might. Most notable is her wand which has the ability to transform anyone to stone. Thank god we have super magical Lions and prophecy children to make things right….as you do.

5 -Emperor Palpatine (Star Wars)

And to the large group of people who stood up immediately to protest, I have this to say: we’re all entitled to our own opinions and I think that Jedi and Sith qualify as space wizards…..so there. With that in mind I would be absolutely remised if I didn’t include the Emperor. Darth Sidious has a heck of an all-encompassing, slow-burn, take over the entire universe schemes, but I think it says a lot when we realize his plan ended up working. He did take over the galaxy with absolute power for many years. If he was a bit smarter with his apprentice he would have continued to rule for many more years.   

4 -Lord Voldemort (Harry Potter)

‘He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named’ ‘You-Know-Who’ ‘The Dark Lord’ or better known as Tom, is one of the wizarding world’s most devastating dark wizard. When people are even too scared to say your name, for fear of being cursed somehow, is a good sign that you’re a pretty powerful warlock. If I really had to think of one major fault to good ol’ Voldy it’s that he found out about a prophecy to end him and decided to go out of his way to stop the prophecy from happening. Look…trying to stop the prophecy from happening always makes it happen…….it’s like a finger trap that way.

3 -Ganon (Legend of Zelda)

Or better known now as Ganondorf, is an incarnation of the Demon King, Demise, who will ALWAYS reincarnate eventually. As far as curses go having a never ending warlock re-incarnate every few years is a pretty potent one. When you think about magic users the first thing that comes to mind is rather studious book-ish types who prefer to spend their hours locked away in a library tower. Alternatively, Ganondorf is a hulking beast on the battlefield, and at times literally IS a beast when he takes on his demonic boar form.

2-Morgan le Fay

When we think about dark magic users one of the first characters that came to mind was Morgan le Fay. This character has been adapted time and time again. Sometimes they don’t even tie in the King Arthur stuff and just have a really powerful sorceress named Morgana. Possibly Arthur’s half-sister, possibly Merlin’s apprentice; Morgan le Fay has been around long enough that were just not sure which interpretation is correct. An icon of the dark wizard trope, there is no denying that Morgan le Fay belongs at the top of this list…is what I would have said were it not that I felt there was ONE who stood above them all.

1 -Sauron (Lord of the Rings)

“Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky, Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone, Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die, One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne. In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie. One Ring to Rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them. In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.”

I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that I am familiar with the extensive back-history of Tolkien’s epic fantasy series, nor am I going to pretend that I fully understand everything that is going on, but I cannot deny the power of Sauron. From my brief delves into the story-at-large, I understand that Sauron isn’t even the first evil to appear, but I did grow up watching the film franchise and loving every second of it. Maybe someday I will dive deeper and have a better comprehension of the events going on but for now I cannot imagine putting Sauron anywhere else on this list…..he is…precious to me……..my precious……..

….And with that bit of silly melodrama out of the way, I bid you all a Happy Halloween!